Genesis 24 |
Part 19
Part 20
Part 21
Part 22Previous and following parts:
Title Page
Genesis 24 -- parts 1-5
Page 2 of Study -- parts 6-9
Page 3 of Study -- parts 10-14
Page 4 of Study -- parts 15-17
Page 6 study -- parts 23-
Part 19
Genesis 24:54 And they did eat and drink, he and the men that were with him, and tarried all night; and they rose up in the morning, and he said, Send me away unto my master. 55 And her brother and her mother said, Let the damsel abide with us a few days, at the least ten; after that she shall go. 56 And he said unto them, Hinder me not, seeing the LORD hath prospered my way; send me away that I may go to my master.
The servant had a long trip ahead of him and he wanted to finish this business for his master as quickly as possible. He also knew that his master, Abraham, could die at any time.
This a good case for not having a lengthy engagement if there is a good reason not to. Once the Lord's will has been determined, what is the point in waiting a long time if there is cause to bring things together quickly? One couple I know stepped their wedding preparations up drastically when they learned that her father had been diagnosed with cancer. They were concerned that he might not live to see her married if they waited.
Long engagements have been a downfall to many young people in one way or another. There is the problem of "Well, we are going to get married anyway..." that can be used to excuse sin. There is the emotional trauma of being so closely attached, but not married to someone, especially when they have to part for some reason. A long parting can also lend itself to unfaithfulness to the intended marriage. And, then too there is the not uncommon problem of one party growing weary of waiting and breaking it off for someone else. Just the long wait itself can be a strain on one or both parties involved, as many can testify. All of these things also cause burdens on family, pastors, and other Christian friends as they bear with the couple in their distress.
However, it should be pointed out here that there are some situations that arise where a long engagement might be necessary. If one party should have an accident that needs a long recovery, for example, that is no reason to break off an engagement. Some couples are actually better prepared to deal with long engagements than others are. We have no absolute rule given in scripture on this subject, thus it seems that the parents and couple involved probably need to determine what is God's will between them and the Lord.
It has been said that it's better to have a long courtship and short engagement. Generally speaking, this is probably the wiser course, but it is not "written in stone." Long engagements used to be more common when weddings and wedding attire took more time to prepare since everything had to be made by hand or hired out. People seemed to do fine with it then, and somehow they stayed married better too. By the way, a short engagement that is an extension of a "whirlwind" courtship is probably not going to make much difference on the strength of the marriage.
Someone, no doubt, will be clever enough to point out that the church has been espoused to Christ for nearly 2000 years now. 2 Peter 3:8 But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. So, in God's sight the engagement is only 2 days. :-) Do what the Lord leads you to do.
It ought to also be mentioned here that some people think that once a couple become engaged, they ought to allowed more liberty in touching. 1 Corinthians 7:1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. Fornication can still be committed during the betrothal or engagement, and it is to be avoided, hence touching, which leads to it, must still be avoided as well.
Some will point out that a betrothed woman in the Bible is called the "wife" of the man, as in the case of Joseph and Mary. Some have used this truth to excuse more touching after the engagement. It is important to note that in the context of these verses, the husband and wife are not to touch each other until they have each other and can render due benevolence. That is more than holding hands and an occasional kiss. In other words, you do not start touching till you are free to do all. Then there is no shame nor temptation in it. Romans 14:13 Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's way.
Also, remember that though Mary is referred to as Joseph's espoused wife, yet he did not know her (sexual relations) during that time. The Jews knew that such was fornication prior to the wedding. If it was "all right" they would not have accused Jesus of being born of fornication later! John 8:19 Then said they unto him, Where is thy Father? Jesus answered, Ye neither know me, nor my Father: if ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also...41 Ye do the deeds of your father. Then said they to him, We be not born of fornication; we have one Father, even God. ("Where is your father?" is a question people ask in the Middle East, Ethiopia and probably other places when they are casting doubt upon the legitimate origin of the person asked.)
Part 20
Genesis 24:57 And they said, We will call the damsel, and enquire at her mouth. 58 And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go.
Strange as it may seem, we have actually heard of people that are returning to the arranged marriage customs in which the girl, at least, and sometimes even the fellow have no choice in the matter. This is sad, to say the very least, and quite frankly, the people I can see reverting to this custom are those who wish to form their children, not into the image of Christ, but into their own little "sausages".
Training "up a child in the way he should go" (Proverbs 22:6) and making him or her into a clone or sausage (all the same and tied at the ends) are two different things entirely. I have seen mothers that would not even allow one or more of their children to decorate their room to their own tastes; not because their taste was bad, but because the mother wanted to rule. This kind of mother, who then becomes motivated about "courtship" could easily fall into this trend of choosing a spouse for her offspring without allowing the child any say in the matter.
There is plenty in history to show what the results of arranged marriages does to individuals and to cultures. Many times it accompanied polygamy. Both were a curse.
One worthy, old African in Congo, having many wives by the arrangement plan, with tears in his eyes told the missionary, C.T. Studd, "Of all my wives, I only ever had one that loved me, and she is dead." A young American Indian woman testified that the only way she ever found peace in her arranged marriage to a much older man, was through Christ.
Often in heathen cultures the arranged marriages put a very young girl with an old man. In fact, there are stories of girls being married to a grown man as soon as they were born and then sent home to be raised to puberty before being sent to their husband. Sometimes they have been spoken for even before birth. ("If it's a girl, I'll take her...")
Someone will doubtless say that this could never happen in America, but as said before, we have heard of this regression, and there are probably more than we think. We heard of one woman who ran away from home when her father promised her to a much older man to pay off the debts her father owed the man! And this occurred in the days when America's "morals and values" were supposedly higher. We have even heard of a Christian family in recent time here in the U.S. being offered money if they would keep their daughter for the people's son. Their reason was, "We know you'll raise her right." The girl would have had NO choice in the matter.
By the way, arranged marriages which deny a choice cause confusion to the picture marriage should portray of Christ and His church. Yes, we are chosen in Him, but we choose to be saved. So when a lady is given no choice in her marriage, the picture of free will and willing love is marred. (See Heb. 10:9-10, Josh. 24:25, John 20:25-29, etc.) These two verses then lay to rest a multitude of evil. Rebekah had a choice whether to go with the man or not! Notice the exact wording, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go. It was not merely a matter of "Do you want a party before you go," or "Do you want to wait a few days?" It was - "Will you go?" This is so important when we remember that it has almost always been the young lady that had no choice in the matter historically.
Isaac was the one that apparently had little choice in this matter, but as we saw before, there was a cause. Abraham did not want him being tempted to stay in the "old country" as there was a promised land that he must stay in.
A parent can certainly see someone that they would like their child to marry, and actually choose them for their child, but to force them into a marriage against their will, is quite another thing. Remember again, Romans 14:13 Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's way. To insist upon your son or daughter marrying someone against their will is wrong. You are setting them up for real trouble and a hard fall.
Now many mothers will doubtless say, "I would never force my child into an arranged marriage. That is absurd." Don't be so self-righteous, ma'am. How many times do you think that someone has been pressured or nagged into marrying someone against their will? More than two or three times no doubt! How many young women, or young men, have had second thoughts before the wedding and been overwhelmed by their parents', especially their mother's, assurances and demands that they "go through with it"? Embarrassment from a broken engagement or calling off the wedding is not worse than a miserable marriage or divorce! People will forget about the former, but the latter leave a lifelong blot on the person and their family. Pushing your child to marry against their better judgment is just as wrong as giving them no choice at all; perhaps worse. Isaac did not have much choice, but he was not pushed against his better judgment.
Luke 17:32 Remember Lot's wife. She married her daughters off to sodomites, no doubt because it was a cultural "shame" to have them unmarried. Too bad for them she was not vexed with the sins of Sodom like her husband was. Prestige meant more than God' will to her. It also meant more to her than her daughters. Pity the wretched children whose mother esteems wealth or position over their marital bliss and the will of God!
It should also be said here that it is just as wrong to push yourself into a marriage just because you do not want to embarrass somebody! If you know that it is not God's will for you marry a person and you decide to go through with it anyway because it is "too close to the wedding" that is sin. It will bear terrible fruit. Remember that ...whatsoever is not of faith is sin. Romans 14:23 And also, ...whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. Galatians 6:7
I heard of someone that did this and their marriage ended in divorce after only a few years. How very much pain and trouble and sin could have been avoided if the young lady had simply called the wedding off when she had her second thoughts! Yes, it would have been difficult and there would have been embarrassment and hard feelings, but ultimately it would have been better than what she did in the end. Malachi 2:16 For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away...
Part 21
Genesis 24:59 And they sent away Rebekah their sister, and her nurse, and Abraham's servant, and his men. 60 And they blessed Rebekah, and said unto her, Thou art our sister, be thou the mother of thousands of millions, and let thy seed possess the gate of those which hate them. 61 And Rebekah arose, and her damsels, and they rode upon the camels, and followed the man: and the servant took Rebekah, and went his way.
First of all they did not hinder her. They knew it was God's will and they let her go without question since that was what she chose.
Sadly, there have been accounts of people that did hinder a person from marrying in God's will. They all knew it, but the parents or family wanted them to wait for purely selfish reasons. What an awful thing! It would behoove such to take admonition from 2 Corinthians 12:14, ...I will not be burdensome to you: for I seek not yours, but you: for the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children. 15 And I will very gladly spend and be spent for you...
When the couple are well ready to marry, all concerned know that it is the will of God, and there is no good reason for postponing the wedding, why do so?
It is appropriate to bless the couple when they are marrying in the will of God. That is what we should do. Ask God to bless them. Pray for that.
A wedding is not a time to cast doubts or questions, whether openly or simply by hanging back and not rejoicing with them that do rejoice. Dear ladies, this kind of behavior is totally out of line. When a godly young couple has come together in the wisdom of God and their parents, and things have been done decently and in order, it is not right to be standoffish and hesitant in giving approval. Even if you wish things had somehow been a little different, do not show it! Romans 12:15 Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.
There is a certain issue that needs to be addressed and this is probably as good a place as any to do so.
There are certain people (women in particular, but some men also) who have strange ideas about intimacy and sexual relationships between the husband and wife. They can become paranoid, either about their own wedding or that of their offspring, because they are terrified someone will have a "dirty" thought about what the couple will be doing after the wedding. This can actually be made into such a menace in their minds that they will do strange things to try to control who is at the wedding or even insist on a private wedding in hopes of avoiding this. Other bizarre things are possible as well, I'm sure.
Rebekah's family didn't seem too hesitant to address this subject. They knew how babies were made and they asked God to bless her with many children, grandchildren, etc. right out loud.
Titus 1:15 Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled.
Yes, sex has been filthied in our culture, but acting like everything about it is filthy only makes Christians look guilty to the unsaved. And, God did not intend it that way, as we see repeatedly in scripture.
Watch out for this problem. (A young lady who thinks this way is going to have serious "issues" in her marriage.) If you have this problem I suggest you ask the Lord to show you why, and also that you read Song of Solomon and stop pretending it's all about Christ and the church.
Now, this may seem like a funny thing to address here, but it is a fact that some people seem to think that a couple should wait to have children after they are married. Why? If the man in not in a position to provide for a wife and children, then they should wait to get married anyway. He should count on possibly having a baby to provide for in as little as nine months. If he is able to provide and care for a wife and children, then what is the point in waiting to have them? (Some physical problem is acceptable, of course.)
It is pretty absurd for someone to be advising a couple not to have too many kids or too soon when they are marrying. They should be looking forward to that.
Telling a young bride that she is heading into trouble in having kids is also out of line, and yet there are some busybodies that will do it. If you cannot tell them what a blessing it is to have children and what they have to look forward to, then keep your big mouth shut. It is God that opens and closes the womb and He does not need your advice, nor does He need you telling His children that He is going to make them miserable by doing so. He will take care of them just fine between them and Himself, and you can stay out of it unless you are asked.
It is also not your business to tell them how many children they should have. Let the Lord lead them as He sees fit. If you have faith and physical strength to have an unlimited number of babies, that's great for you. Romans 14:22 Hast thou faith? have it to thyself before God. Happy is he that condemneth not himself in that thing which he alloweth. Not everyone has the faith for that. Don't burden them with your commands or feelings on the subject if they do not ask you. The Lord is perfectly capable of leading them to do His will without any help from you - novel as that may seem to some of you. (Please see the article on Birth Control In the New Testament if you have further questions.)
[Note: When a couple has been married for a while and still does not have children, it is cruel to start questioning them and "reminding" them that they should. Leave them alone. If they want you to know their reason, they will tell you. Also, if a young lady happens to gain some weight after she marries, do not ask her if she is expecting. We know of one young lady that was severely embarrassed this way. She was not pregnant, and the person that asked it regretted saying anything because he knew it had hurt her and her husband deeply.]
There are some strange ideas going around in some circles about having "plain" and simple weddings; that somehow it is wrong to have a feast and a celebration with attendants and nice clothes and all. While it may sound spiritual and holy, this cannot be justified from the scripture. Colossians 2:20 Wherefore if ye be dead with Christ from the rudiments of the world, why, as though living in the world, are ye subject to ordinances, 21 (Touch not; taste not; handle not; 22 Which all are to perish with the using;) after the commandments and doctrines of men? 23 Which things have indeed a shew of wisdom in will worship, and humility, and neglecting of the body; not in any honour to the satisfying of the flesh. Notice that they only have a shew of wisdom. It seems wise and humble to some to not satisfy the flesh in this matter, but there is no scripture to prove that we must deny ourselves these things. Christ is our example in all things and His wedding is certainly NOT going to be a "plain" wedding. In fact, the man in Matt. 22 who had not on a wedding garment was actually thrown out. If you want want a "plain" wedding, fine and well, but do not try to bring others into bondage to your unscriptural ideas.
Genesis 24:62 And Isaac came from the way of the well Lahairoi; for he dwelt in the south country. 63 And Isaac went out to meditate in the field at the eventide: and he lifted up his eyes, and saw, and, behold, the camels were coming.
This is not the kind of meditation that yo-yos, I mean yoga people do. It is not the "contemplating the state of nothingness" or emptying the head so that devils can come in.
This is Biblical meditation. We know this because Isaac was from a godly family and he had been taught to worship Jehovah and think on him.
Perhaps he was thinking on the scripture that they had which was passed down by word of mouth from his godly ancestors. Psalm 1:2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.
Perhaps he was meditating upon his own life and how his father had been called to offer him, but the LORD had supplied a ram in his place. Perhaps he was thinking of the miracle of his birth to parents that were "too old" to have children. Psalm 77:12 I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings.
Perhaps he was marveling at the beauty of God's creation. Perhaps he was enjoying a spectacular sunset and marveling at the works of God's hands. Psalm 143:5 I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works; I muse on the work of thy hands.
Perhaps he was concentrating on his need to walk closely to God and follow in the way that his father had lead his family - away from the old pagan ways and into the ways of Jehovah. Perhaps he was contemplating his responsibility to lead his own family in these ways as he faced his coming marriage. 1Timothy 4:15 Meditate upon these things; give thyself wholly to them; that thy profiting may appear to all. 16 Take heed unto thyself, and unto the doctrine; continue in them: for in doing this thou shalt both save thyself, and them that hear thee.
Meditating on the Lord and His works is going out of fashion with most Christians today, even those that claim to be Bible believers. Too many people are convinced that they have to prove their spirituality by hooting and hollering at the church house on Sunday and at special meetings, but they do not know how to meditate on the Lord and His word.
Does that fine young man who yells "Amen" the most in church really know how to meditate on the Lord? Does that young lady you are looking at for your son know how to contemplate the works of God's hands? Does that fine fellow have time to stop and watch a sunset, or look at a "critter," or watch the snow fall? Or is he too busy making a living, "serving the Lord," doing "something more interesting," etc.
Is that young lady so interested in making things nice in the house and taking care of babies and cooking that she "does not have time" to just spend talking with the Lord and enjoying His creation? I have seen young ladies that seem to have the attitude that their duty is in the household area and they do not act like they have much interest in spiritual things. There are churches and families that encourage this. They seem to think that if a young lady can cook, tend babies, clean, and service her husband in the bedroom she has somehow fulfilled her God-given duties and nothing else is necessary. This is not Biblical!
We are told to Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. 2Timothy 2:15. This takes time and meditation. A mother cannot teach her children to do this if she does not herself. A man cannot teach his wife and children to do this if he does not do so himself. A woman who does not fill herself with God's law will not have the law of kindness in her mouth, Prv. 31:26. Timothy's mother and grandmother could not have instilled the scripture and their faith in him if they had not had it in them! (2 Tim. 3:16, 2 Tim. 1:5)
Psalm 104:33 I will sing unto the LORD as long as I live: I will sing praise to my God while I have my being. 34 My meditation of him shall be sweet: I will be glad in the LORD.
Also notice that this is how Isaac was spending his evening free time. He was not sitting back in the tent watching the idiot box, aka T.V. He was not watching Monday night goof ball, I mean foot ball. He was outside - thinking! Think of that! How does that fine young man or lady like to spend his/her free time?
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by mary vannattan
last edited: Oct. 2005