| Genesis
24 By Mary Van Nattan |
Genesis 24:1 And Abraham was old, and well stricken in age: and the LORD had blessed Abraham in all things. 2 And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh: 3 And I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell: 4 But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.
Point number one: Abraham did not leave Isaac to choose his own wife by himself. Abraham was getting old and he wanted to make sure that Isaac had a good wife before he died. He did not want to leave him unsettled and without his father's wisdom in this matter.
Mothers, you should not leave your kids to "make their own choice" in this matter either. If this is not your husband's and your custom, you need to discuss this with your husband. This is altogether too important. If you are a young lady that is not married, you should seek your parents' counsel in this matter. If your parents are not godly, then you must seek counsel from older, wiser saints who are following the Lord faithfully. Proverbs 11:14 Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.
Abraham did not let the ladies at his Bible believing, local church or college matchmake for his son. He did not let some visiting preacher or missionary who hardly knew his son set up a "perfect match" for Isaac. Abraham chose a friend of long standing, someone completely familiar and in agreement with him for the job.
Having a friend help you find a spouse for your child may be a good thing, but they better be someone that has one mind with you as much as possible. A friend whom you can entirely trust. Someone that does not agree with you on such subjects divorce and remarriage, courtship, the KJV, church attendance, etc., is not necessarily going to find your child a spouse that believes like you do. Their inclination is going to be that "it doesn't really matter." Worse yet, they may even warn the person they "find" not to tell you where they don't agree with you since they consider it "unimportant."
It is especially good to get help from a Bible believing, godly man if you are a widowed or single mother with marriageable kids. Your father or brother is the obvious choice, but if he is not qualified spiritually, then your pastor or one of the older, godly men in your church might be a good option. A man who is mature and wise and a good judge of character (not a preacher that is in a hurry to marry off all the single people he meets). Proverbs 13:10 ...with the well advised is wisdom.
How many people have sent their son or daughter off to some "Christian" college where they met and married someone totally unfamiliar with the customs, standards, and convictions of their home? In the years that follow there can be tension, discord, and even fighting because of the differences in background; and the relationship makes the parents weary (especially if they end up living with their kids in their old age). And, this is assuming that both parties are saved and trying to serve the Lord to some extent.
Someone who is saved out of a rough background and a person raised in a Christian home may be able to overcome differences, but this is only if the party with the bad history has left it completely behind and desires a God-honoring home. This takes time to determine, not one or two months, or even one or two years, after they get saved. You must be absolutely sure that they are going to stay with the Lord and are not as those in the parable Jesus spoke who ...have no root in themselves, and so endure but for a time: afterward, when affliction or persecution ariseth for the word's sake, immediately they are offended. Mark 4:17 Thus, these things must be discussed prayerfully and in detail if a marriage is being considered.
Some friends of ours had a daughter that was dating a young man from a broken home. Her mom, being an excellent judge of character, tried to tell her daughter that it was not going to work out, but the daughter did not believe her at first. Then on one occasion when the young couple had made a date, the fellow didn't show. When the girl questioned him later about it, his response was, "Sometimes I need to go out with the guys." The trust in his home had been violated and he had not separated himself from his parents sin. Rather, he had learned their ways and thought nothing was wrong with it. I am thankful to say that this young woman got out of that relationship and is happily married today.
If we look at the trouble that comes when someone marries an unsaved person who is pretending to be a Christian, or a Christian who is content to live like a Philistine, things get much worse. Abuse, adultery, alcohol, drugs, divorce and more can follow in the wake of such a terrible mistake. To marry an unsaved person knowingly is surely sealing your fate for trouble. 2Corinthians 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? Isaiah 57:21 There is no peace, saith my God, to the wicked. To yoke yourself or your child to an unsaved person is to ensure an unpeaceful marriage.
Now, this is not to say that a saved person with a difficult home situation or rough background should never marry someone who was raised in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). Some may teach that a couple must be equal in every way, including their family background and or history. Do not make this mistake, whether you have an ugly background or are from a God-honoring home.
Remember Peter's experience on the roof top when God let down the sheet of unclean animals and told him to ...kill and eat. Acts 10:14 But Peter said, Not so, Lord; for I have never eaten any thing that is common or unclean. 15 And the voice spake unto him again the second time, What God hath cleansed, that call not thou common. God was preparing him to lodged with Gentiles and minister His word to them, something a law keeping Jew would never do. Peter learned his lesson. Acts 10:28 And he said unto them, Ye know how that it is an unlawful thing for a man that is a Jew to keep company, or come unto one of another nation; but God hath shewed me that I should not call any man common or unclean. I still remember the day the Lord impressed this vividly upon my mind in relation to our subject. A particular young man was in question, and I, knowing his history and being self-righteous, thought to myself, "No....he's dirty." Instantly God's Spirit spoke to my mind with a clearness that was almost as real as if He'd spoken aloud, "What God hath cleansed call not thou unclean." I was stunned and ashamed. I realized that it was wrong to think that way about someone who was forgiven and cleansed by God. Ephesians 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
Rahab the harlot was brought into Israel because she believed and acted on faith in Jehovah. She was apparently married by Salmon and became an ancestor of David the king and also the Lord Jesus Christ. (Joshua 6:25, Heb. 11:31, Matt. 1:5.) Certainly God did not view her as too "dirty", and she had been a harlot! (Now stop and think about that, all you self-righteous mothers and ladies. Don't just race over in it hopes that it won't sink in because you or your precious child are too "holy" to be thus polluted.)
Ruth also was more than likely raised in an ungodly home. She was a Moabite. They were pagans. They worshipped Chemosh (1 Kings 11:7), which was an abomination to the Lord. Her home life and childhood may well have included some very ugly things in honor of this false god. Yet she went by faith to Israel with Naomi and totally abandoned her home, country and god to follow the ways and laws of Jehovah God. She also was brought into the line of the Messiah and was the grandmother of King David. In fact, she is the only woman we know by name that was called a virtuous woman! (Ruth 3:11) Now that is something to ponder, considering where she came from and what her background was.
1Corithians 6:9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, 10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.
If a father feels that he does not want his child marrying someone from a bad background for his own reasons, that is his choice after all. If someone feels uncomfortable marrying someone from a bad home or rough past, that is their choice. But, that does not mean that the unaccepted person is somehow "polluted" or "unworthy" in God's sight. [If you have trouble believing this because of your past please read: Forgiven.]
Some people are too lazy or "busy" to go to much trouble to find spouses for their kids or to keep them from marrying the wrong person. After their children marry spouses that are less than ideal, they moan and groan and feel sorry for themselves. In cases like this all the cure in the world may not make up for what they could have prevented.
Peter Cartwright the circuit riding preacher of the 1800s had to make a decision on this also. His account is interesting.
"I had a young and growing family of children, two sons and four daughters; was poor, owned a little farm of about one hundred and fifty acres; lands around me were high, and rising in value. My daughters would soon be grown up. I did not see any probable means by which I could settle them around or near us. Moreover, I had no right to expect our children to marry into wealthy families, and I did not desire it if it could be so; and by chance they might marry among the slave [owning] families. This I did not desire. Besides, I saw there was a marked distinction made among the people generally, between young people raised without work and those that had to work for their living; and though I had breasted the storms and suffered the hardships incident to an itinerant life for more than twenty years, chiefly spent in southern Kentucky and western Tennessee, and though I had just as many friends as any man ought to have, and hundreds that claimed me as the humble and unworthy instrument of their salvation, and felt not the least fear that I should not be well supported during life as a Methodist preacher, the whole country having grown up into improved and comfortable living; and although many, very many of my friends in the Church and out of the Church remonstrated against the idea of my moving to a new country, yet, after much prayer and anxious thought, I very clearly came to the conclusion that it was my duty to move; and although the thought of leaving thousands of my best friends was severely painful to me, and sometimes almost overwhelmed me, and shook my determination, yet I saw, or thought I saw, clear indications of Providence that I should leave my comfortable little home, and move to a free state or territory, for the following reasons: First, I would get entirely clear of the evil of slavery. Second, I could raise my children to work where work was not thought a degradation. Third, I believed I could better my temporal circumstances, and procure lands for my children as they grew up. And fourth, I could carry the Gospel to destitute souls that had, by their removal into some new country, been deprived of the means of grace. With these convictions, I consulted my wife, and found her of the same mind, and in the spring of 1828, with my brother-in-law, R. Gaines, a local preacher, and old father Charles Holliday, set out to explore Illinois in quest of a future home." (pp.244-245, Autobiography of Peter Cartwright the Backwoods Preacher)
Brother Cartwright saw that there was little or no possibility of finding spouses for his kids that were their kind of people. He did not want them marrying into slave owning families. The people of the area thought that hard working whites were "trash," but his kids had to work and help in the home because they were poor. Altogether his family was on an entirely different wave length from the people around him. So, with this in mind, as well as his disgust that slavery was being justified by Methodist pastors in the South, and the desire to minister to the people where he would go, he gave up all the tremendous blessings which he mentions and moved his family to the rough frontier. Talk about sacrifice! He understood the principle of Ezra 9:12, Now therefore give not your daughters unto their sons, neither take their daughters unto your sons, nor seek their peace or their wealth for ever: that ye may be strong, and eat the good of the land, and leave it for an inheritance to your children for ever.
There are people that are saved and trying to live for God after a fashion, but they are content to be like the world and friends of the world. James 4:4 Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God. These people talk like the world, dress like the world, act like the world, enjoy the world's entertainment, want the world's education, and the world's music. In short, you cannot tell the difference between them and the ungodly.
If your family desires to separate from the world, you cannot let your kids marry people like this, no matter how doctrinally sound they may be in other areas or how "spiritual" they may appear. (Young lady, this goes for you too. If you want to walk with God, don't marry someone who will lead you in other paths.) The church today is full of kids like the ones that Nehemiah found in Jerusalem when he returned from reporting to the king. Nehemiah 13:23 In those days also saw I Jews that had married wives of Ashdod, of Ammon, and of Moab: 24 And their children spake half in the speech of Ashdod, and could not speak in the Jews' language, but according to the language of each people. Sorry to say, these kind of young people are in our KJV-Only, Bible-believing churches. Many young people like this in our churches actually know a lot of good Bible believing terminology and can burp up the right answer on a lot of things, but their way of life and how they think and talk when they are not "being Christians" is totally worldly and ungodly.
One young man of our acquaintance went out to eat with an evangelist's son and another young man from the church he was then attending. The two other fellows proceeded to load up the juke box with rock music. He was disgusted and told them they were wrong for doing this. This was in a KJV-Only Baptist church that was supposed to be separated and one with high standards. The evangelist's son had been exalted in the congregation as well, just because he was "Bro. so-and-so's" son and could sing. His name proved nothing about the condition of his heart, but his actions did.
As mentioned previously, Rahab and Ruth separated themselves from the old when they came into Israel and faith in Jehovah. Beware of people that are allegedly saved out of some wretched background and yet still toy with it in their speech or living. 2Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
Since those that follow Christ are hard to find, it may be necessary to travel to meetings at churches that are like minded with you, go visit friends at a distance, or even move to another location to find spouses for your children. Talk to your husband about this and see what he thinks. You may even be attending a church that you feel is all right, but there is no one in the assembly whom you would want your son or daughter to marry. In these perilous times there are folks that do not even have many friends that are like minded with them, let alone ones that are geographically near. Don't give up! If you hear of some good people somewhere that you can tell are your kind of people, pursue a friendship and then go visit them if you can, or have them to your home. If they do not have someone in their family that your son or daughter could marry, they may know someone else that would be suitable. The best way to find a good spouse for your child is to get with people that have your convictions. You may know someone that they need to meet also. It may not always be possible to do these things, but at least make an effort if you can.
Nehemiah 10:28 And the rest of the people, the priests, the Levites, the porters, the singers, the Nethinims, and all they that had separated themselves from the people of the lands unto the law of God, their wives, their sons, and their daughters, every one having knowledge, and having understanding; 29 They clave to their brethren, their nobles, and entered into a curse, and into an oath, to walk in God's law, which was given by Moses the servant of God, and to observe and do all the commandments of the LORD our Lord, and his judgments and his statutes; 30 And that we would not give our daughters unto the people of the land, nor take their daughters for our sons: You better take a long look at the people that you are cleaving to. Are they the kind of folks that you would want your kids to marry among? Those who are in your church are one thing if it is a good church; but, who are you spending your time with and having as your close and dear friends? What kind of people visit in your home most often?
Then too there is the cultural problem. We heard of a missionary family that actually came home from Africa because the African fellows where they were working were showing too much interest in their daughters who had arrived at womanhood. This was a matter of not marrying across national boundaries. Some of the African fellows may have been good men, but they were not suitable in these folks' opinion because of the cultural bounds that God has established. Acts 17:26 And hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation; More later on that.
Another problem that can arise here is who you allow your kids to associate with. There have been people that were in the ministry or working in the church whose kids decided that someone their parents were working with, or whom they allowed in their home, was "OK" with Dad and Mom and therefore all right to marry. The parents then have the problem of having to either give their blessing on someone they are not really happy with, or seeming to be hypocrites by refusing their blessing. This could be how Esau got himself in trouble marrying pagan wives.
We read in Genesis chapter 26 about Isaac's relationship with Abimelech. After sorting out their troubled relationship, they had a feast together, a Middle eastern custom of good will and peace between people. Now at the end of this chapter, immediately after this feast, Esau went out and married two daughters of the Hittites. Genesis 26:34 And Esau was forty years old when he took to wife Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Bashemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite: 35 Which were a grief of mind unto Isaac and to Rebekah. It is possible that Esau decided that this was "all right" simply because his father had made peace with some of the people of the land. The point is, Isaac should have warned Esau that the people of the land were not acceptable to them for spouses. (Maybe he did.)
If you have to have people in your home that are not acceptable for spouses for your kids, then warn the kids and do your best to keep any marital notions from developing on the part of your kids or the person/people that you are ministering to. If it is possible, and your husband feels it is appropriate, it may even be good, or even necessary, to keep certain young people out of your home. If you can find an excuse to keep someone away that you feel would be a problem, then make the excuse. This may seem "uncharitable and unloving" to some; but listen mothers, we are talking about your kids' future happiness and even their usefulness to the Lord. Would you rather be "nice" to a person you feel "needs help" and have to see your child in a miserable marriage; or turn that person over to someone else's care and so secure your child's married joy in the will of God?
We know of one Brother that had to do this when a certain young man wanted to come and visit in their home. He was not a particularly bad young man, but he was very messed up in some ways and was interested in the Brother's daughter. Neither the Brother nor his daughter had any interest in the young man for her future husband. The Brother made excuse and did not allow the fellow to visit their home. True, he perhaps could have "ministered" to the him, but how much real "ministering" do you think would be likely when the young man was staying in the same house with the young lady he was interested in? And more importantly, what is "kinder", letting the young man visit and so continue and strengthen his false hopes for something that could not be his; or sending him away and so to hopefully lose this interest and learn to be content? And, what about the daughter? Would this Brother have been "more charitable" to allow a young man whom he did not approve and that she was not interested in visit in her home and put her in a strained situation? I trow not.
Mothers - Your children's happiness in marriage should be important enough to you that you are willing for you husband to take measures that the world and other Christians may think excessive. If your husband is gone from you home, it may become necessary for you do so yourself.
1 Corinthians 12:14-15 ...for the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children. 15 And I will very gladly spend and be spent for you...
Parts 1-5 vs.5-15
background
and graphics by mary vannattan
edited last:
Sept. 2005