Why Not


From A Mother's Heart

From Angela G. of Virginia.

Dating is not an appropriate activity for God's children. Dating doesn't prepare anyone for marriage; it prepares you for divorce. You learn how to give your heart to someone who will later cast you off for one reason or another. That is, if you don't put them away first. You learn how to just leave a relationship if things are not "just right". Dating in no way prepares you for the future of staying with and loving your husband no matter what...

Also, it is almost pure insanity to send two young people off alone and just hope that nothing bad will happen. I heard of one young man who told his dad, "You don't trust me!" His dad replied, "Go off alone in a car with a pretty young girl?? I wouldn't trust ME!!" And this is very true.

I have heard the argument a hundred times that I cannot keep my children from having sex. This is very true. If my children decide that this is what they are going to do, I am quite sure they will find an opportunity. However, if they make a commitment to the Lord to wait until they are married; I can help them to keep to their convictions. If they have these convictions, and I send them off alone (with only their raging hormones tagging along), I am setting them up to fail. It would be like ambushing them. There are many more reasons for not dating, but I will stop here.


Editorial by M. VanNattan

Please read that second sentence again. The result of serial dating is a softening toward divorce, almost a preparing for it. It's like taking lessons ahead of time. They learn the excuses, the "lingo," and who will sympathize with them. They learn to form the bonds of a romantic relationship easily and then to break the bonds almost as easily. They learn to plan ahead to dump their partner when things don't go right.

 All too often there have also been physical connections as well as emotional. It's bad enough for those who try to remain virgins, but even worse for those who commit fornication.

They may also learn to "two- time" their "steady" when they decide it's "not that big of a deal" to flirt with other members of the opposite sex behind their partner's back. After all, "we're not married yet" so this behavior is considered "ok." But, this helps them learn patterns of behavior that can then be repeated with different justifications after marraige.

When the time arrives that their marriage is mess, their experience with "take-in-or-leave-it" dating makes it very easy to get a divorce. They are prepared for it. They know in a small way how it will feel - or so they think. It is only "a little more complicated," and there is money involved!

What's so awful about living up to the high calling of God? What's so awful about young people keeping themselves ONLY for the Lord and the ONE person that He has chosen to be their spouse? Proverbs 4:23 Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.

Saint Valentine's Day
and the Dating Game

1 Peter 1:18 Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeemed with corruptible things, as silver and gold, from your vain conversation received by tradition from your fathers;

In the old days in the Roman Empire there was a certain celebration that was observed called the festival of Lupercalia. Though there seems to be some disagreement on exactly what or who was being worshipped on this day, it is nevertheless certain that it was a vile and impure celebration.

In 496 A.D., in an effort to get the pagans' money and allegiance, Pope Gelasius "converted" the feast of Lupercalia to a Roman Catholic "holy day" establishing St. Valentine's day in it's place. His original plan was apparently to substitute the veneration of saints for the old customs.

Among the pagan customs attributed to the "old" festival, however, is a very interesting tradition. This particular practice, that is said to be the most popular, "was a lottery in which young men drew the names of adolescent females from a box. Whatever girl the young man picked would be his 'partner' for a year, a relationship that was often sexual. (What happened at the end of the year? The kids held another lottery...and the process started all over again.)" [Quoted from p. 192 of Pope-Pouri, by John Dollison, Fireside, 1994.]

Several interesting things come into consideration here.

1. The old festival has apparently enjoyed a "revival" of sorts in the present day celebration of "Valentine's Day" which has become a tradition in the USA. With it's Roman Catholic and pagan roots and the modern day foolishness, this is obviously not a holiday for Christians to observe. Not only is St. Valentine's Day a Catholic holiday, it has also reverted very much to it's old roots in the present emphasis on lovers and romance (sadly even among children) making it doubly wrong even for courting couples or married people to observe this holiday.

2. Another tradition of America's past which has its origins called in question by this bit of history is the so-called "[Lunch] Box Social." This consists of an auction of the decorated lunch boxes of the single young women in a school, church, etc.. The young man that bids the highest for a box gets the "privildge" of eating with the owner, who has packed enough food for 2 people. This "old fashioned fun" bears a striking resmeblence to the old festival of Lupercalia, though generally without so much physical involvement, if any. Certainly the emotions come into paly in a large way. This also, is obviously not a thing for a Chrsitian to participate in, let alone to suggest.

3. The obvious point here is the similarity that this old Lupercalia custom has to our modern day "dating game." While the present system is not set up on the "lottery" plan, it is very much the same. The young people pair off, today for often much less than a year at a time, and the relationships are often sexual or at least physical. Sadly it is the "expected," if not accepted way even among so-called "Christians." While today the competition is based on looks and who's "fun," the basic priciples are still the same.

So, the modern practice of dating is called into question, here by the similarity to this pagan custom of the past, and the relation between this festival and the present day "St. Valentine's Day" observance is obvious enough.

2 Corinthians 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? 16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. 17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, 18 And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.

-- M. VanNattan

The Journey Down

Mark 10:6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. 7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; 8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. 9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

From, The Pro-Life Activist's Encyclopedia, published by The American Life League.



...more than 40 percent of all couples in the United States now live together ('shack up') before marriage. Their reason: They want to make sure that they're "compatible." They don't want to rush into something that might not work and cause pain for everyone involved. They say that it's best to have a trial run first. Just to make sure, you see.

Sound sensible? Of course it does! Is it sensible? Of course not!

In 1989, James Bumpass, James Sweet, and Andrew Cherlin of the University of Wisconsin completed a long-term study to determine the effect of prenuptial cohabitation on marriage. Their findings showed that more than 75 percent of all couples who lived together before marriage eventually divorced. This is a rate of more than 50 percent greater than the general population![25]

Why is this?

There are two primary reasons;

(1) Those people who 'shack up' are less traditional in their values. True commitment and a willingness to 'work at it' are far more important to the success of a marriage than a self-serving "fling." Obviously, many of those who 'shack up' initially do not intend to get married.

(2) Those who have 'shacked up' are naturally far more likely to commit adultery in marriage than those who haven't. This makes sense -- adultery is, like fornication, a tangible result of lack of discipline and self-control. Those who get used to "serial monogamy" before marriage see no reason why they can't continue to practice it after marriage...


Editorial by Mary V.

What can we learn from this relating to the "dating game?"

First of all, because they have engaged in dating in the first place and found out first hand, often with fornication involved, that things don't always "work out," they view marriage with that attitude also. Because they did not set out from a marriageable age with the intent of determining God's will about whom they should marry, they have come to the sinful idea that there needs to be a "test run" to see if it will work out. Ironically they are only making matters worse, as the statistics indicate.

Notice the conclusions that these people draw regarding couples living together before marriage.

What better description for dating than  a "self-serving 'fling'?" The majority of dating is not done with any intention of marriage. How can a 14, 15, 16 year old kid out on a first date possibly have a serious thought about marriage? They're in it for the prestige, the "fun," and the to see how far they can go without doing "that"(whatever the pre-determined line may be that they have been told not to cross). Sad to say, even undiscriminating courtship can fall into this description.

Dating may very possibly produce the same effects as the live-in principle. In other words, a softening of the conscious toward adultery (and divorce) later. Even among "good" kids the idea of "serial monogamy" can be used to describe their dating lives. Is it so shocking then to see them later decide that they can't "work it out" with their spouse and throw it in for "something better?" They have been doing this very thing for years and they know it works. They have not only played fast and loose with temptation many times, but more often than not, they have given in to it and they cannot see the death that they are going to reap in their own lives when pay day comes. James 1:14 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. 15 Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death. The "pleasures of sin for a season" (Heb 11:25 ) are too tantalizing to give up for faithfulness at all costs in a marriage that they were not determined to see through from the start.

Certainly the birth control methods that are made so readily available to young people today have propelled the fornication and "shacking up" to further depths than before. How many Christian parents have been horrified to learn that their daughter is pregnant or their son is the father of an unborn baby? And how much sorrow could have been and can be avoided by raising kids from an early age with the thought and conviction that there is one person whom God has chosen for them and that that person is to be found in an orderly, biblical manner with the physical, spiritual, and emotional purity undamaged? Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. With the foolishness that goes on with even young children, often at the instigation of fluff headed mothers or women, it is a good idea to start their training in this as soon as they are old enough to comprehend it.


graphics and background by Mary Stphens
updated 2019