Things Your Parents
Might Have Told You

 

 

 


 

- I don't care who has one. You're not getting one.

- Because I love you, that's why.

- You learned that from your father/mother.

- You've pulled on that shirt so much it looks like a dress!

- You found a mud puddle didn't you?

- Simmer down!

- Oh, for crying in a bucket!

- That coffee table was not made for you to rub your feet on.

- Now what are you going to do with it? [Usually said after you broke something or messed it up.]

- You need that like you need a hole in the head.

- Take your hat off in the house!

- Eat it or wear it!

- What's the matter with you anyway?

- How would you like to write an essay on being kind to your brother/sister?

- Stop shaking your leg!

- Nobody asked you.

- If you don't pick that up, you might get to sleep with it.

- I'll nag you if I feel like it, you're my son/daughter.

- If I had wanted you to do that, I would have told you to.

- You've been playing with my pen, haven't you?

- I'm going to give you until the count of three.

- Don't pick, it'll get infected.

- I don't want to hear that again.

- Not another word out of you!

- What?  You want more money?

- If you do that one more time, I'll _____ ____.

- When you don't listen to your Mom, that's when you get into trouble.

- Someday your face will freeze like that!

- What if everyone jumped off a cliff? Would you do it, too?

- Look at me when I'm talking to you.

- You're going to put your eye out with that thing!

- Do you think your socks are going to pick themselves up?

- Your father is going to hear about this when HE gets home!

- How many times do I have to tell you...don't throw things in the house!

- Were you born in a barn? Close the door -- and DON'T slam it!

- Don't EVER let me catch you doing that again!

- Move it or loose it.

- Be good -- and don't do ANYTHING to embarrass your parents.

- No child of MINE would do something like that.

- You'll never live to see sixteen!!

- There's someone either dying or being created under your bed--look at all this dust!

- Eat your meat.

- Did you flush?

- I worry about you.

- Can you give me an itinerary for your trip?

- I hate having you drive alone at night.

- You don't WANT to clean your room? You don't have to Want to! 

- A man who plays when he should be working will never amount to much.

- There's enough dirt in those ears to grow potatoes!

- What would you do if I wasn't here?

- Work first, and then play.

- Somebody's gonna end up crying.   

- AFTER you pick up your room, make your bed, brush your teeth and comb your hair, THEN you can go out to play.

- Don't say SHUT UP!

- Close your mouth when you're chewing -- you look like a cow!

- I don't care what "everyone" is doing, I care what YOU are doing!

- What will the neighbors think?

- Who do you think you are?

- When I was a little girl ...

- When I was a boy...

- Do I have to send you an engraved invitation? Come eat!  

- Two wrongs do not make a right.

- Don't talk with food in your mouth!

- I wish you kids could see videos of yourselves eating!

- How are things in your little life?

- Don't leave any crumbs on the counter!

- Do I embarrass you?

- If you slouch like that, you'll get a hump in your back.

- You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your relatives.

- Sit like a lady!

- When are you going to take your bath? 

- I don't care if Jimmy's Mom said yes.

- Wipe your feet!!

- Go ask your father.

- What did your mother say?

- Wrong, there's plenty of things to do, like clean your room.

- Enough is enough!

- It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.

- I'm tired of seeing you do that.

- Whose shoes are these!?

- I don't care if your brother told you to do it.  You don't have to do everything he says.

- I wasn't born yesterday.

- Eat over the table.

- You are being obnoxious. 

- How many times do I have to tell you...

- When was the last time you took a shower?

- Slow down.

- Park yourself.

- You are going to clean this room up before you go to bed.

- I've heard that excuse before.

- You know that isn't true.

- So you want to slam the door do you? I'll give you a chance. You just slam it ten time for me now. 1.....2.....3.....It's not so fun now, is it? 4.....5.....

- If you want to rough house, go outside! (Which is an oxymoron.)

- You certainly do amuse you.

- You'll live to regret that.

- How many times do I have to tell you!? GET UP!

- You look like an Indian in war paint.

- If God had intended you to wear pierced earrings, He would have made you with holes in your ears.

- Where did you hear that word?!

- Don't interrupt.

- Can I talk now?

- Oh, you think so do you?

- Go wash your hands.  And use soap.

- We paid good money for those shoes, you stop working them over like that.

- Do you see that girl?  You are never going to marry a girl like that!

- Oh no you are not going to bring that in here!

- I thought I told you to pick this up! 

- "I can't" never could do anything.

- You better quit while you're ahead.

- Don't tell me you didn't do it; nobody else could have.

- That looks terrible! Go change your clothes!

- I wish you'd...

- "I don't know" is NOT an answer.

- Don't put that in your mouth, you don't know where it's been.

- If you don't do it now, then when are you going to do it?

- Only boring people get bored.

- What do you mean you aren't going to eat everything on your plate?

- Think of those poor starving children in India. [ To which Johnny answers, "Fine, send my spinach to them." ]

- You can't find it? Well, where did you leave it last?

- If bologna was a tin horn you'd have an orchestra!

- Money does NOT grow on trees.

- I'm not everyone else's parents and you're not everyone else!

- Five minutes of pleasure is not worth a lifetime of trouble.

- This hurts me more than it hurts you.

- Don't make me tell you again.

- You made your bed, now lie in it.

- Stop your crying before I give you something to cry about.

- Don't go out with a wet head, you'll catch cold.

- I'm not going to tell you how to spell that when you can look it up in the dictionary.

- Life isn't fair.

- Would you do that if the Queen were here?

- Because nagging is what I do best.

- Did you iron that?

- I don't THINK soo...!!

- Don't use that tone with me!

- Look it up in your contract: I'm the Mom, you're the kid. I get to do the nagging.

- What do you mean carry me? I carried you for nine months!

- I'm not here to entertain you.

- Am I talking to a brick wall?

- Eat those carrots, they're good for your eyesight. You never see rabbits wearing glasses, do you?

- You had better wipe that smile off your face before I do it for you.

- There's no shame in being poor, but there is shame in being dirty!   

- Speak up; I can't hear your head rattle.

- Never leave the house hungry.

- Eat the crust of your bread. It's good food.

- I resign!

- Who told you that?!

- Remember who you are.

- The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree.

- Act your age, but don't crawl.

- You just have big bones.

- But you have a beautiful complexion.

- Well, of all the stupid things!

- You must get that from your father's side of the family.

- I would have never talked to MY mother like that!

- If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

- Fools' names and fools' faces often appear in public places.

[After seeing a little boy following his older brother's example, my grandpa added,  "And the little squirts who don't know better follow the fools to the letter."]

- I hope someday you have children just like you.

- I am going to have the last word!

- This, too, shall pass.

- I don't know why you turned out the way you have.

- Wear clean underwear in case you get in a car wreck and have to go to the hospital.

- If you'd open your eyes as wide as your mouth, you'd find what you're looking for.

- Pretty is as pretty does.

- I'm not just talking to hear my own voice.

- Shut your mouth and eat. [This poses a problem. :-) ]

- Somebody's room needs some attention. 

- Daddy doesn't think your oatmeal is funny all over his shirt.

- Did grandma get you ice cream again and spoil your supper?

- Go tell Daddy he wants you.

- Because I said so, that's why.

- If you don't quit that, you're going the eat at the kitchen counter by yourself.

- I wish you could see yourself doing that!

- How ya doin' there?  (Usually said after a small mishap.)

- This is your last chance.

- Don't sneeze like that.  You'll blow your eardrums out.

- Did you change your underwear?

- Chew your food before you swallow it.

- That's enough.  You don't know what you're talking about.


  

              

background and graphics by Mary Stephens
updated 2013 CA