1. Avoid alliteration always.
2. Prepositions are no words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague.
4. Employ the vernacular ad nauseam.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbrev., etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren't acceptable.
9. Foreign words are not apropos.
10. As Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
12. One should never generalize.
13. Don't be redundant; it is highly superfluous to use more words than necessary.
14. Be more or less specific.
15. Understatement is insipid.
16. Exaggeration is a hundred million times worse than understatement.
17. One word sentences? Never!
18. The passive voice is to be avoided.
19. Bad analogies are like feathers on a snake.
20. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
21. Who needs rhetorical questions?
22. Colloquialisms are grody to the max.
23. Abjure polysyllabic obfuscations.
24. Czech for pselling errors and typeos.
25. Do not repeat yourself. Repeating yourself is not good.
26. When using synonyms bee careful to use the write word.
27. Use the dictionary to check the defamation of a word you are unsure of.
28. Avoid the use of run-on sentences which are inclined to be too long and confusing, and the readers can lose track of the subject and not remember where you started from, thus causing the loss of their train of thought and the loss of the idea or point that you are trying to make for their benefit, which means that your message may be misunderstood.
29. Using the same word over and over makes it seem over used.
30. Proof read carefully to see if you any words out.
and graphics by Mary Stephens